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1996. Directed by Jonathan Harvey. a story of affecting kitchen-sink realism from Britain's esteemed Channel Four Films about the iconoclastic, underachieving denizens of a southeast London apartment building who gets an emotional wake-up call when two teenage boys, next-door neighbours Jamie (Glen Berry) and Ste (Scott Neal) unexpectedly fall love in.

Totally Fucked Up (1993) directed by Gregg Araki. Fagbashing, parents, bad relationships, nihilism, degradation, bad sex, masturbation, AIDS, fatalism, depression, angst, boredom. Low budget film but ridden with style.

Don't ask, just watch.

may '04
june '04
july '04
august '04
a moment
sept & oct '04
nov & dec '04
jan thru may '05
june thru dec '05
january '06
feb & march '06



bm studios
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lims, AJ & me

noah 'look sexy!' me 'ok!'

ron & camie looking good together.

My brother Kevjn and lovely Rachel at the Melbourne Cup.

This would be the recent-est photo of joel and jaime. Somewhere in Bang La soi, phuket. What made me take this picture is the mess of electric cables that look theatrical, almost too messy to not be art. there are actually better looking messes but hell. nice pic is it not. September 2005.

From top clockwise: Gavin, Tza, Me & Yanie--tuk tuk in the middle of Bangkok in the middle of the night. September 2005

saturday musicbar (last night of HIP2SOUL's performance) yanie & gavin.


pack yer bags scallywags!
Sunday, October 29, 2006. 07:03 p.m.

This blog is cool and all, but for now i've decided, once again, to indefinitely move to livejournal for various reasons. until further notice or if ever, this blog will from now be inactive. thanks for the good many months of memories.

Sunday, October 22, 2006. 05:31 p.m.

what do you do when you know you're flirting with fire?

get fireproofing and go wild.

men, women and dogs
Monday, October 16, 2006. 08:34 p.m.

i was at the interchange getting on a bus. the was a long queue and i was somewhere at the end of it. as the snaking trail of people slowly disappeared onto the bus, i noticed a girl tapping her ezlcard and walking to the back because she was looking at me the whole time. She had an interesting sense of fashion and a cute hairdo and she looked, what a straight guy might call wah jude ah! and as i walked down the queue to the front of the bus and she walked from the front to the back of the bus, we just looked at each other. for a moment i couldnt tell if there was anyone else was just her lit by the harsh semi-green lights of the bus slowly walking to the back of the bus.

and i had to stop looking because my head was craning backward and people were looking on.

so i go up the bus but i carefully avoided looking at her. she was sitting at the back casually looking out the bus from her back windowseat. and as i walked toward the back, i caught her glancing at me. The seat next to her was empty, as well as the seat across the aisle.

i was lugging along a fotomate slung on my right shoulder and it would be sensible to take the seat next to her otherwise the tripod would get in the way. so as i was standing inbetween the two empty seats, she adjusted herself in her seat and made it more roomy for the other seat.

and i sat down. on the seat across the aisle. and this ugly old man behind me sat on the seat she so generously made room for. so for the 2 bus-stops which i would be on the bus, she looked out the window and not at my direction once and when i got off the bus and looked at her, her head was swung now in the opposite direction, and not looking at me. god knows what she was thinking, but i had to control my laughter.

hey. sometimes a guy just needs to reaffirm his sexuality la.

in other news, i was at tabs with the gang. having met rahrah earlier at the perimeter of hmv opposite chatsworth, she mentioned that she was going to the bar for a couple of drinks and suggested i drop by.

and i did, accidentally, because on that day itself for the first time in 2 months of going to tabs i realised 'the bar' was just 4 doors away.

so i was with rahrah and adri in this karaoke lounge seated on comfy black leather sofas and then this cute gaylooking waiter comes up to us and says

hi, this good-looking man would like to get to know you

and he was indicating to adri. so mr.goodlooking--or so his introductory title claimed--came flouncing to an empty seat next to adri. she was all excited, and i could see her eyes growing big and suspicious droplets of perspiration dripping off her temples. rahrah was so excited for her too so excited that she said to me

if ever such a goodlooking guy like him over there would come up and chat me up, you got to pretend to be my boyfriend!

and that i did, when this fat buffoon stumbled up to us with a glass of what looked like chivas green tea and smiled a teeth full of filth and yesterdays chicken rice. i had my hand around her waist and was all cozy with her. So he offered his salutations and his drink, to which i declined saying i didn't drink (hey a white lie to save my getting anywhere near to him and his drink!) and after a bit, he got the hint and stumbled back to the hole he shouldnt have protruded out of.

only thing that bothered me was how he never offered his drink to rahrah, the little puzzle that was solved later in a moment of shock. he was GAY. and all the while i was protecting rahrah like i was some kinda chastity belt--it was i who needed protecting! but i guessed it worked either way. he thought i was depressingly straight, attached and a non-drinker. what a party pooper! but whatever gets you off my leg honey!

and attention was diverted back to adri and her less-than-charming prince. so we started on how good a ______ rahrah was and we all animatedly talked/giggled and screamed among ourselves, leaving our poor wannabehero by himself with this glass all lonely in his hand. (note i did the talking, adri did the giggling and rahrah did the screaming). so he did what any embarassedly-left-alone-guy would do. he left saying he had something to do. now its back to library management and lovenotes to directors. very maybe see you lovelies again!

on another note, che is having her mensus now, and have been for a good 2 weeks to which my mother frustrates

it usually lasts only a week. her one, like forever!

and strangely enough,

NOTE: if you are anything anyone would describe as narrow, prude, a parent, rigid, conventional or anything to that effect, please do not read below the line.

i've discovered that she gets reallllly frisky during this period. everyday i get home, she'd lick me clean and proceed to hump my leg. and sometimes my toes would brush her bleeding vagina and she'd get go into a little orgasmic throe. then she'd lick her mensus off my toe and walk out the room.

she makes me feel like a prostitute. and i'm left wondering if i've done some really bad beastiality deed. i mean, i don't purposely try to get her off--and no, i don't get off watching her get off. i've just never seen a masturbating bitch before and it's sort of fascinating. and it's wierd that my little toes her dildo. (i mean i didn't go inside, but dildo to the effect that it's a tool). and i know for certain that she's not being frisky for the purpose of procreation. what else would she want but just a fucking good time am i right? and seeing how i'm her master (or is it the other way around), and how the other people around are only either my mom and my dad (neither of which would be willing tools for her to jack off), hey if i dont lend her my leg, shes going to be one sexless, frustrated bitch. i'm sure no one wants that because in a happy world, everyones sexually satisfied! come on and flame me already!

thinking insomnia and C
Thursday, October 12, 2006. 04:58 p.m.

A couple of days ago i was with jiron and mark at a coffeeshop and we were talking about alot of little random things, one of which was insomnia--like how you could be deadtired one moment, but just when you go and you try to sleep, your eyes fly open and there you are staring up into your bedroom ceiling. so you try to think sleepy thoughts and count sheep and all that jazz and you're tired and you can feel it, but deep down inside you know that goddamnit, you just can't sleep!!

which is why im here now on Cís bed, 4:30am blogging this entry on C's notebook. C is reading this and for some reason or another he's laughing. He's happy. Italy won Georgia 3-1 and hes making a comeback. Anyhows, I'd have thought being here would be easy for me to sleep-it usually is, you know.-but for reasons unknown to me, my minds working overtime and overjuiced up this time round. it feels like a circus up there. maybe its because of all that nonsense that just happened with the pitch and all, maybe im just not in the mood. whatever it is, i cant sleep! Isnít it great that Cís all snoring in his sleep now?

i had a dream last night and i was meaning to write it but i just fell right asleep after that thought. it was a strange one. i dreamt of K after such a long time and in this dream-most of it i can't remember-it was night and there were ninjas scuttering around. i was with people out in the frontyard of a triple storey bungalow house in the dead of the night and it'd be all quiet and eerie and we were waiting. waiting because we knew they were coming. and they did. from dozens of units away we could see them coming in, silently running along walls and roofs in the moonlight and they vanish into the shadows to reappear uncomfortably nearer. and from the corner of my eye as i looked upward in anticipation, i saw one scutturing along the walls of our bungalow. above us. i swirl around and through the open frontyard sidedoor that lead into kitchen, i saw K. The kitchen is lit with nothing but a candle on a wooden table right smack in the center and K was hunched over looking at what i presumed were maps, or some sort of strategic information that might lead to the arrest of this deadly situation. the shadows were crawling all around with their jetblack tendrils and i feared for his life, that at any moment from the darkness, the ninjas would silently end his life. my most vivid memory was how i just had to protect him, to keep him safe from all that around him--even though i was certain he was absolutely capable of taking care of himself--but i didn't want him to face it alone. i ran in.

and then i woke up (and promptly fell back asleep).

I feel very uncomfortable now, there's so much incomplete, there's so much uncertain. it's either i decide what i want to do and make sure it happens or it's just going to end right when i decide to run. for You, You, You and You who gave me fair warning, that i thank you but that i hate you too for planting that certain suspicion in me. Whatever it is on a not-so-random note, I need to get the letter out. And fast.

keep the faith and make it stick together. The worldís getting unbearably heavy on my shoulders, but ive only just begun to carry it.

C you want some water?
D ok. Give it.
C wheres the water
-long pause-
D itís infront of you.
C oh hehe.

Thursday, September 21, 2006. 09:09 p.m.

after 2 months of lull, laziness and lethargy, i finally decided that today was going to be the day i get off my ass and go to the gym again. and not without a 7 click run to the reservoir before that. i plan an minimum of 3 times a week so by the time production begins on 27th november, i'd have:

ran around 189 kilometres (being towed by a psychotically energetic husky);
done at least 5400 inclined crunches;
done at least 1944 bench presses @ 85-110lbs;
done at least 1944 tricep curls @ 85-110lbs;
done at least 972 SICK bicep curls @ 70lbs.
among the random other exercises that names i can't remember.

looks good. i feel (by then) i'll be ready to take on the world, this ironman. Now i have to mind fuck myself.

now, i'd put a stupid photo of some guy in a muscle suit with my face superimposed on it, but since i got photoshop cs2, it hasn't been working right. and i deleted 7.0. so no more photoshopping for me for a bit :(

in another note, YouTube really is the goldmine for all things interesting, and these two are hilarious: RADIO DONNA commercial and THE AMBIGUOUSLY GAY DUO. laugh till you cum.

piss, plums and printer. what the punani...
Wednesday, September 20, 2006. 02:37 p.m.

i had another weird dream this morning. it was a massive tangle of the most random things ever in fact, if i recall correctly, the was a back scenario of another previous dream i dreamt of so long ago.

so i can't quite remember what's what except for the random HDB-witchhunt-chase and the soaking-of-socks-on-feet-in-piss-on-floor-of-woman's-toilet, but then out of the blue in some office, jaime asked me to help her photocopy 5 stacks of stapled notes. so being the guy who tries to solve the problems of others even though the flashing lights of a very imposing photocopy machine stood before me, i shrugged it off and said sure.

only problem is, for some reason i can't quite remember if it was one or five copies she wanted for each stack of notes (which comprised merely 1-5 pages each) and not really helping was the stack of paper she gave me to print with: it was the most casualty looking stack of papers loh; looking like a random and messy stack of used paperwork, billing and accounting of every colour of the rainbow which at first glance seemed pretty alright. until i realised it was used and i had to sort out the unprinted faces of about, lets see, 500 pieces of paper? after which i realised half of them are stapled, so i had to destaple them, and after which i realised some of them were creased so it would print funny, and some of them were folded in half.

not to mention i didn't know how to put in the notes to make copies of it too.

not to mention the printer, was in a fridge somewhere along the dream, sitting on a porcelain bowl of dried plums.

not to mention, my socks were soaked in woman's piss in shoes i was wearing that was nearly mistakenly taken by ismail (is my feet that big??).

not to mention my alarm clock (that i had set to wake me up) was playing over like the soundtrack of the dream. you know, those moments where you dream you're falling off your bed and you actually do? (of course its all hearsay to me, ive never dreamt one those popular dreams) so exciting. can you feel the rush?

i could. i woke up, switched off my two phones and took a long, hard pee.

botak jones
Saturday, September 16, 2006. 11:19 a.m.

LIMS its so good meh??
DANN dont knock it till youve tried it. the fries itself are incredible with the spices.
LIMS dude, fries should be good alone
DANN ohhh hoo hoh hoooo 25 more mins just waittttt.. you can be skeptical now, later you'll be a convert.

25 minutes later the food arrives.

LIMS omg that looks good. gotta take a pic.
DANN here try the cajun chicken.
LIMS omg. mmmm good shit.

608 ang mo kio avenue 2. just follow your nose and the arses of the other million BJ fans. it's DAMN TASTY FOOD AT DAMN REASONABLE PRICES!

Sunday, September 10, 2006. 01:17 p.m.

whats there to blog when the only thing i care to blog about i rather not blog? you know, the things you're keeping your fingers crossed so tightly about you don't want to, for the 1291381th time, jump the gun only to realise...hey it screwed up again. and then what would be left of that hope is just an ughhhhh shutup danny and then move on again to something else totally unrelated, totally distracting. for good reason. embarassment.

in other news, i got yellow bedsheets, pillowcases and a fluffly white and pale milkgreen pinstriped fluffy comforter which 'che (or babes) is uhh perched on in a ready-to-pounce-but-just-sitting-there-on-her-fat-ass posture dolefully staring at me and willing me to kooooochhhheeee her ... which i will in a bit. ain't she the cutest? 5 more months till her topcoat grows her into shaggy again. so cute la she.

motown madness
Tuesday, August 29, 2006. 03:42 p.m.

too bad youtube don't support pitas but for a really cool video anyway, click here. it's a sing-off between the four tops and the temptations - MOTOWN MADNESS!!

if you're interested, heres the songs they sing in order

the four tops - reach out (i'll be there)
the temptations - get ready
the four tops - it's the same old song
the temptations - ain't too proud to beg
the four tops - baby, i need your lovin'
the temptations with levi stubbs - my girl
the temptations - i can't get next to you
the four tops with dennis edwards - i can't help myself

johnny two thumbs
Monday, August 28, 2006. 04:32 a.m.

I was in Japan once. and i decided to just walk around, and then i reached a split road and then i noticed that all the tourists and commoners they walked down the road leading right, and there were those with sunglasses and aviators that walked down the road left, where they'll wave to a guard, and the guard, with the biggest smile, would open the gentry for them into a big studio compound.

so i thought, hey why not. i put on my sunglasses, waved to the guard and with a big smile, he opened the gentry for me. i spent half the day inside the studio watching famous movie directors making japanese dramas, watching famous actors and everything else that happened inside the studio. so i spotted a little lobby/resting area and decided to sit for a bit. then, this guy came up to me and stopped.

"you're new here, arn't you?". i said, "i don't work here". so he said, "what are you doing in here?". i replied, "i waved and the guard let me in." he gave a hearty laugh, bought a drink and sat down with me. we had a little conversation and only later did i realise he was one of japan's most famous directors. "hey, would you like to see what i do?". i said, "sure that would be nice.". so he brought me right on the set where he was doing a new shot, and there i was standing next to the director with my arms crossed, looking high and mighty. i think all the actors and crew were wondering who i was, but i was the directors friend so they didn't say alot.

after that shot and several takes later, they wrapped. the director came up to me again "hey, have you had dinner?". i said, "no, i haven't". "great, join us then. i'll call the actors down to have dinner with us." he brought us to a little restaurant in the middle of nowhere, and we ate dinner. i made a good friend that day.

that little story was recounted to me by julian as i sat there in good ol' johnny two-thumbs pub with just good friends and good beers. this world is filled with people. if you would just listen to their stories and what they have to say, youd be amazed because it will all be different, and interesting. and sometimes you can really learn alot."

indeed you can. are you daring enough to put on your sunglasses and wave to the guard?

Monday, August 21, 2006. 01:34 a.m.

there really were much much more indecent pictures... but hey. this is a decent blog. so give a PAT on your back, noah! and that concludes part 2 or 3 of this episode. too much chivas, beer and moet (thanks addie for the blow, i mean the FLOW of drinks.) do make people do silly things. really silly things. but it was fun!

and im serious about norway! even though depression rockets sky high during dreary bleaky cold and wet winters, even though public toilet usage costs a whopping SGD2.50 and a cab ride from town home SGD250, even though public transportation closes at 9 and the night life in oslo is nearly nonexistant, even though the days are sadly short and family is far away, even though the tickets can cost .8k... even though...even though... ahh heck it'll be fun! so. any takers?

immmm dreamingggg of a....
Saturday, August 19, 2006. 06:59 a.m.

don't lose your way
with each passing day
you've come so far
don't throw it away
live believing
dreams are for weaving
wonders are waiting to start
live your story
faith, hope & glory
hold to the truth in your heart

if we hold on together
i know our dreams will never die
dreams see us through to forever
where clouds roll by
for you and i

souls in the wind
must learn how to bend
seek out a star
hold on to the end
valley, mountain
there is a fountain
washes our tears all away
words are swaying
somebody's praying
please let us come home to stay

when we are out there in the dark
we'll dream about the sun
in the dark we'll feel the light
warm our hearts, everyone

that's an incredible theme song by diana ross from the epic land before time III. that's one show that affected my childhood and till this day, still give me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside whenever i think of it.

wouldn't it be perfect thinking of it with a nice toasty hot chocolate with marshmellows inside on the eve of christmas all the way up in the winter wonderlands of norway with ash and my cous? i can't wait. i need to go somewhere white and nice. i need to get out of this stinkin' place. anyone wanna join me? :) a gorgeously hot hunk will fill the spot realllll nice :P

neways, hope you guys (noah & desmond) enjoyed your birthday. tomorrows part 2 at taboo. now.. RIDE 'EM COWBOYS!!!! WHOOOOO!

hero to zero
Wednesday, August 16, 2006. 02:16 p.m.

each human being, according to hippocrates, fall into one or more of four indistinct character-type groups. me, i'm generally phlegmatic. or like in nature to phlegm. that viscous slow-moving wad of spit you can't wait to get out of your chest because its never less than an irritating tease. when it's spat out, it lies there--the cool observer to the dramatics that surround him but never getting directly involved himself. it's the kind that is rarely motivated to do more than it's physical state dictate (read: nothing) but when the need arises, it does what it is purposed to do, sometimes maybe even more.

sometimes i get this surreal high from the effort it takes to get a normal breath of air in past all the mental phlegm in me. i feel like a chronic asthmatic. i'm in a state where i know with utmost certainty i wouldn't want to dwell in. yet, almost teasingly, i sometimes never get past myself. (think: phlegm in phlegm) i feel like i'm sinking into the most ridiculously comfortable sofa fluff and all i can see is just the boundaries of the fluff and what ceiling there is left. it's just like what you'd see if you were thrown into an open grave. and the fluff overfloweth. in slo-mo, no less. hero to zero mate. hero to zero.

and then from somewhere behind me, i hear
upskirt girl... she's been livin' in an unskirt world...

i figure maybe i don't have real problems after all. and the view would certainly be nice from down here. if i were straight.

Monday, August 14, 2006. 07:10 a.m.

danny lim --

Like in nature to a train-riding hobo

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at

it's BUS dammnit. NOT TRAIN.

alot to be cheerful about
Monday, August 14, 2006. 03:47 a.m.

there was something about this weekend that was kinda special. like for once these three months i didn't feel the weight of resposibilities and all that jazz. like for once these three months, i was just away from it all with good company and good food. it felt good--i'm a cheerful man! :)

cheers for marriott buffets and geylang dim sum! cheers for good friends! cheers for reacquainting with old friends, and making new ones! cheers for hennessy and tiger beer! cheers for happy music!

Thursday, August 10, 2006. 06:07 p.m.

what do you think i'd see
if i could walk away from me?

Wednesday, August 2, 2006. 01:52 p.m.

there's this sense of timelessness about your room.
that's because we're in a rocket.
a rocket? where are we headed?

the cold frontiers of space. we're headed there with the monkeys, the frogs and the purple five syllable hippopotamus. i'm strapped in sitting next to a queer-looking guy and beyond him, a porthole of infinite blackness.

welcome abroad the FREEZER H80 en route to Nowhere. the time now is *fizzle beep honk*. it is a balmy -80įc inside and the weather outside is a cold 24įc. Please enjoy your stay with us.

aside from the mammalian/amphibian accompaniment, theres you--the one guy in this world whose self-absorption masks his ignorance at knowing the one person he is having an intercourse with--himself. it was hard holding a conversation with you; -queer- is the word. you just kept having muscle spasms.

miss colddeepspace flight stewardess serves a dish of cold mangoes, vegetables and vegetables. she smiles and leaves, as the intercom buzzes to life.

Please put on your seatbelts--we have encountered unexpected strong turbulance but need not worry, our captain is a very capable man.

why is it shaking so badly? is this normal? i'm beginning to think not. quit staring at me with those doleful eyes, you stupid wobbly purple hippo. you like those ripped waves doncha? gives you an massive hardon?

its not in an evergreen manner, not so an old-meet-new way, but more like a losing-track-of-time fashion (in a bad way)--that's the timelessness about your room. we just entered a rip in the fabric of fucktime and the turbulances won't stop until our skulls jump from our skin. if mysterious the whole adventure and interesting the flight, it lost it somewhere along the way. if anything, my bile will be spewing on the next flight back to the world.

Thursday, July 27, 2006. 06:41 p.m.

when i left, the air was cold. it had been raining. and i took in the air real deep because for the past 16 hours, i was somehow suffocating. and then, as i did, i saw a blind man in the rain. he was making his way by with his stick and with his mouth. and i was reminded of that time i tripped over a blind man's cane some months ago, right at the same spot. so he trips over a girl who was sitting on the busstop bench oh sorry sorry!, and then his cane trips on her again, and she gets up and walks off, and this time, she trips over his leg. oh sorry sorry and the girl is silent. i say sorry, you say sorry also lah! and he walks off grumbling toward a bunch of saint nicks girls who was clustered fuck around and this little boy shouts uncle infront of you got alot of people! he pauses abit before going can you all don't block the way? can't you see i'm blind, and you all stand around like i can walk past all of you. hiyoh!

he got me wondering: what's it take for you to lose your inhibitions? what's it take for you be able to say what you feel, what's going through that dead head of yours? what's it take for you to be so goddamn honest with me already?

eyesight? is the absorption of everything visual around you so expressively dampening?

P mentioned something about how to gain something, you have to lose something first.

and then really, i'm questioning the coincidences of all these events unfolding right here right now. i suppose us who were born without, subjectively speaking, any handicap; we all need walking sticks and crutches and wheelchairs because we're already more blind than the physically blind men; we're the natural handicap because we've yet to lose anything.

find me a cause that will make me go more than half the way, because it's dark on the other side. I'm blind, you see. You are, too.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006. 04:56 a.m.

boys got drunk. girls got horny. straight people turned awry and i loved it. props to you, alcohol! and happy birthday ron!

5 minutes.

no not in 5 minutes. now. stop the car now, rome. NOW!

right now
Wednesday, July 26, 2006. 02:29 a.m.

i scare myself. i'm living this reality that's been moderated by wishful thinking; that i'm immune to all the bad things that can happen because i'm, well, just that... wishful thinking. when actually i'm already stepping beyond the boundaries of good sense.

like how, i go an hour and a half late for a class i am on the verge of getting debarred from and all i'm thinking about is... with you.

Sunday, July 16, 2006. 04:57 a.m.

its like a 10,000 piece puzzle. you know it's a picture of 3 victorian maidens swooning at a park in midday with their quaint little umbrellas and porcelain doll faces when you open the boxes, it's all jigged and sawed up and you wonder where to start and how to get it going. and you do it until you get a backache or until your mind just gives up and every little insert and outsert seem one and the same. blues look red and greens look yellow. you put it on hold, and when you get back to it again, you're thinking ok lets do this from a fresh perspective and you have that drive to do it but when things just don't fall into place, your backache is killing you and you realise you're going to be late for work, it's just really hard to complete it. that's how i feel now. i don't need the drive. i need the inspiration. and a bit of luck.

tag shtag
Tuesday, July 4, 2006. 09:40 p.m.

normally i wouldn't do stupid memes like this but a babelicious tart had me tagged. so.

favourite colour: hues of orange, off-whites and maroon.
favourite food: japanese, italian, chinese, taiwanese, thai, vietnamese, american. aiyah. everything la.
favourite song: all time favourite: one by u2. currently do the hustle by kc and the sunshine band.
favourite movie: this is a stupid question but i'll try. great expectations.
favourite sport: beach volleyball!
favourite day of the week: none in particular but dusty melancholic sunday afternoons inspire me sometimes.
favourite season: ketchup and lemon. sometimes autumn.
favourite ice-cream: not a big fan of ice-creams but i try to like anything with dark or orange chocolates in it.

current mood: satisfied...for the moment.
current taste: colgate. i just brushed my teeth.
current clothes: running shorts and alot of nothing.
current desktop: terence calls it the 'silhouette skip'
current toenails: are all there. all 10 of them.
current time: it's 9 19pm but who really gives a damn?
current surroundings: an infestation of ticks thats just lurking beneath the sheets.
current annoyances: missing visual aids.
current thoughts: my hair is wet goddamnit. and why dont you call already boy.

first best friends: i suppose that'll be ronald. wonder what happened to him.
first crush: sarah ang. when she was little and i was little and unfortunately straight.
first movie: bu dao wong? some chinese show.
first lie: er... in my crib.
first music: this meme is getting ridiculous.

last cigarette: in the shower with my hair drenched and i just sat there and thought.
last drink(alcohol): a pint of heineken at the dubliners with cass and noah.
last car ride: patrick's
last crush: he who has no name on my blog
last movie: tears of the black dragon. some thai western.
last phone call: ismail. 'eh you called ah?' 'ya, cauz you called me' 'i just did, why did you call me?' 'i called you because you called me you silly goose' 'ohhh that was just now' 'ya i know. ok BYE!'
last CD played: work related.

Have you ever
have you ever dated your best friend: i don't know. i never really classified my friends between friends and best friends. just friends and acquaintances. but i highly doubt ive ever dated a best friend.
have you ever broken the law: uhm....
have you ever been arrested: oh in places you can't begin to imagine..
have you ever skinny-dipped: into? but yes i guess.
have you ever been on tv: a couple of times.
have you ever kissed someone you don't know: haha lost count.

5 things you are wearing: just shorts.
4 things you have done today: went for class 2 1/2 hours late and got attendance marked, spent 4 hours on photoshop deciphering vietnamese text, and 2 other really personal things i shant talk about. just that it was incredible.
3 things you can hear right now: a droning fan, the smashing pumpkins and little me talking in my head.
1 thing you do when you are bored: get out of there.

and who do i tag? you. yes you whos reading this now. you're it!

narcissism at its best
Monday, July 3, 2006. 02:39 a.m.

i am a drowning man
Friday, June 30, 2006. 03:30 p.m.

i am a drowning man. i suppose we all are. for every goal that motivates us to survive we break the surface and spend our energy trying to keep our heads above the water. sometimes its stormy, sometimes it calm. sometimes your energy runs out and you sink back under. but we're never really free from all that water. we'll be drowning our whole lives and its the enomity of your mental faculties that'll be the only thing keeping you above the water and not sinking into your own death from carelessness, or care-lessness.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006. 02:41 a.m.

2 nights ago, i woke up in the blur of a dead night. everything was silent but an irritating rash woke me up. groggy and heavy eyed, i looked at the time. 4:11am. and then, i couldn't go back to sleep.

last night i succumbed to sleep at the healthiest time possible: midnight. then in the dead of the night, i woke up again.

this can't be happening.

and yet, it was.

4:11am. not a minute of breathing space.

in a flash i was wide awake. in a breath i was daring it to come, whatever it was. don't spook me. just come out from whatever nook or cranny you're hiding in. never came.

tonight, i'm fucking mentally and physically exhausted. it's 2:40am and i will be sleeping in a short bit. i very highly much doubt i'll wake in 2hours and 31minutes but hey.

i don't even care to think. goodnight?

The Golden Cockroach
Monday, June 26, 2006. 01:45 a.m.

i saw an albino cockroach today mechanically clicking around my kitchen floor today. it had this transluscent chassis of some gold hue. i just sat there and watched it. maybe it was watching me too because it stopped a couple of times and waved its golden antenna around like a couple of magic sticks. maybe its Big Brother watching us and we all have an albino cockroach secreted somewhere in our kitchens. perhaps its some device my neighbours use to spy on the-husky-whose-howl-break-hearts. maybe im just fascinated with freaks of nature.

Secret Garden
Saturday, June 24, 2006. 02:17 p.m.

these photos were taken for my short video location scouting at the Secret Garden. Looks great; a picture purfect already innit? On the day of the shoot, it was overcast.

least i've still got the good pics.

the smell of the casino
Friday, June 23, 2006. 10:20 p.m.

"hey, what's the brand of that air freshener?"

"that one? i'm not sure. someone was fooling around with it and the next morning, i found the liquid all dripped on the floor mat. that's why i'm airing out the van now. they call it the anti-tobacco car freshener. there's many types, but this one smells the best. it's the strongest..."

...memory too. of you. the strongest since i last saw you and somehow this smell reminds me more of you than how you actually look like. all of a sudden, i'm thrown into this awful heartache of a moment and everything said later between raymond and his friend was just a blur. i couldn't quite think straight. it's like when you're facing a crisis in a casino, and you're wanting to cut your losses before you have to motgage your house away, but that lure of a jackpot machine's just flashing that 12839172 million dollars to be won, and you're just so tempted to change the rest of everything you got for that little chance of something so little people can chance upon.

"hi, i'd like my last ,000 worth of sanity chips, please."

"thank you sir, have a nice day."

"i'll take your word for it!"

i was lying when i said i don't gamble. no, not money. i gamble sanity. and can you blame me for it? everyone wants to win. i do, too. the lure's too great.

but i'm halfway out that door of that blasted casino. must that goddamn signboard be so big.

"You've won the Bonus Game! You're now Closer to the BIG MONEY!"

gamble your sanity. gamble it all away. you're always the winner in the Casino of life.

should i walk out right now (which would what 99% of everyone will probably advise) and cut the losses or get right back to the jackpot machine? hard choices. tough decisions.

Sunday, June 18, 2006. 09:17 a.m.

im up at 9. been awake in bed since 5 looking at lims as he snore away on the otherside of my bed. part of me's wondering... with his luck, how does he find the serenity of sleep everyday? is it an affair once too many it becomes something normal? how can he live life with so much complications, yet be so simple? what's he thinking in his head when he's looking out at nothing in particular, that state-of-mind he's so fond of having a dialogue with. is he wishing things were different or if he could've done it better? is he really as carefree as he appear to be? then i'm thinking, are You as care-less as you appear to be?

im looking at bitch at the foot of my bed. she's lying on her side but her eyes are wide open. i wonder if shes merely just trying to feel sleepy or maybe she's thinking. like what's i gonna be feeding her tomorrow. or what she should do the next walk. maybe she's counting the number of puppies she's gonna have in the future and if their names would be biatch, bitchass and bongo because everytime i touch her tummy, she spreads eagle for me. i wonder what goes though her head when she gives me a thorough licking every night before she sleeps. i wonder why the moment i get out of bed for a piss, she'd follow me, even if it were the dead of the night. maybe she's thinking i've secret candy for her. maybe she just loves me too much. maybe she's just curious. will she ever quit? now that i'm sitting here, she's sleeping at my feet. i think she's just comfortable around me. i'm thinking how bland i'd have been if she weren't around. and then i'm thinking how bland i am without You around.

and then, i'm wondering why on earth i'm not already sleeping. i've a planned day ahead and i cannot afford to be zombie about it, but here i am at 9 after 4 hours of thinking. every thought, as random as it is, always end up right on You. i'm imagining what's it like with You sleeping in my arms. i'm imagining You laughing. i'm wishing You were mine. but that was so long ago, how is it that You've managed to prioritize Yourself in my subconscious? how the hell do i get rid of You? You're like the greener grass on the pastures across the chasmic valley that's permanently closed for renovations. You're gone but you haunt my mind like some vengeful spirit. how do You do it? it is because i'm finding You impossible to let go? You're a mind thief and You've stolen mine. let me go, i haven't done anything that i should be accorded this. my only crime was to like You. im sorry.

Thursday, June 15, 2006. 01:01 p.m.

oh noes. im turning 16 again. mark, what have you done!

Saturday, June 10, 2006. 12:33 a.m.

i feel sick today
not because i am sick, but more disoriented and displaced.
ive been swimming for so long in that straw of a tunnel
that when i came up for air
i found myself in a pocket
of Stale air and a deep, deep silence other than my own breathing.
for once, i didn't know what i needed to do;
i couldn't think to save myself
because everything was just so alien
so uninviting and they all watch me and every move i make
and scuttle away into dark corners when i look
the airs slowly running out
i don't want to go swimming in that tunnel again
because for the life of me
i don't know when my next air pocket is
i'll just be swimming blind.
like ive been swimming for quite some time now.
turn around, you
and let me see the face of my timekeeper
are you friend or foe
or my friendly foe?
i can't help it if you don't do what you will
it takes too much air to help me help you
and as it is, i've hardly any for myself.
take a deep,
and hold it in.

the invisible intruder
Friday, June 2, 2006. 12:32 a.m.

so i was take a shower. gladwrap only in an olive green towel, i trounce back into my room.

whats that smell of dog poo lingering around the hall!??? goddamnit, Bitch, must you?!

i scour the rug of guitar stands. examine the sides of the bookshelf. glide the surface of the marbles. and there i spot it! a brown little dollop hiding like a little worm at the side of the piano chair.

oh you stinky little piece of shit. away with you!

march to the kitchen and arm me a stack of paper towels--time to get down and dirty. i gingerly pick up that intrusive object.

and it crawls up my hand.


one half-dying probably dog-smashed cockroach goes flying into the skies in a fall of paper towels. one very distraught man yelpingly smashes the guitar stands and guitars to the floor in a panick attempt to get away from it all.

and one olive green towel crumpling to the floor in a hysterical lump of laughter.

the main door creaks open. in a fluster i grab my towel and look up to my mother looking at me. there i was on the floor with hardly a towel covering my privates and a panting husky looking at her and back to me.

and as i sit here blogging this entry with a very sly husky licking the roof of my feet, i now know the source of my agony.

Bitch farts. She farts BAD. because she just did it again!!!!!!

Tuesday, May 30, 2006. 12:33 a.m.

what do you want this time

another piece of my heart?

you're not getting any

if you're just going to walk away again

if you weren't so irresistable

i'd fucking hate you

Saturday, May 20, 2006. 05:55 p.m.


It's a nice sunny day. DANNY is waiting for a cab right outside his house. He spies a comfort cab with a middle aged UNCLE at the helm and flags it.

I'm be picking up a friend with a big dog. Are you ok with that?

Ok can, no problem.

ok great. Let's go.


So Danny in a comfort cab goes down to Rene's place to pick her and bandit up. The car park is congested but he spies RENE with a handsome husky. He waves to her and she gets into the cab. The cab tries to go out of the carpark but there are cars in every direction and people milling about what looked like an accident in the carpark.

Why you ask me go in this way see now all jam!

The roads all got no sign--There's no right way or wrong way in and out.

See la now how. All jam. Singaporeans all so selfish.

Bo pian. Worse come to worse, bang loh.

UNCLE (in a hostile voice)
Bang Bang Bang! Ay, I just repaired my car two weeks ago ok!

Ay, you not happy, we leave now. Let's get out.

Chill babes.


Rene call another cab. A cab arrives shortly and they make their way down to Sentosa. In the cab, Rene goes on and on about fucktype cabdrivers and how in another separate incident, a friend of hers bashed up a driver because of some silly incident. Danny looks amused at the cabdriver as he keeps silent.

ha ha. Er, turn left?

yes. Tanjong Beach is there.


They reach Tanjong Beach

Ok have a nice day! Haha! Nice dog! Haha!

er ok.

Stifling his obvious tickle, Danny gets out of the cab and the cab zooms off.

He's scared shitless loh

Haha Ya loh.

All your stories about beating them up. He was almost peeing in his pants.

They deserve it.

They spend a great day at the beach along with Joel, Jaime and Peanut. Time to go home. They call a cab. The cab arrives.


UNCLE 3 (Looking slightly worried)Your dog bite?

My dog don't bite. I bite.

Cab driver goes into silent mode. Reaches Rene's place and they get off the cab.

How you want me to pick up passangers like that? (indicates to backseat)

I'll help you clean it up later.


Then say it for what?

Cab driver goes into silent mode again. Danny etches his eyebrows in distaste. Cab driver sends him off. Before Danny can pay for the fare, cab driver gets out, slams the door and proceeds to the boot to take out the cleaning equipment. Danny leaves the fare on the driver seat and leaves.


UNCLE 3 (muttering under his breath)
only know how to say only.

Danny, halfway up a flight of steps stops.


He turns around and walks back down slowly towards the cab driver.


Cab driver pretends not to hear.

OI. If you have a bloody problem you say it in my face.

say want to help clean but then walk away.

you look happy cleaning it yourself and you didn't want my help just now. And just for your information...

You look yourself la, see how

DANNY (interrupting)
You accepted this job, you knew we had a big dog and we were at the beach. What do you expect, silk and roses?

How you want me to...

DANNY (interrupting)
You shut up when i'm talking.

If you've got so much to bitch about, don't take the job next time.

What you want?

Danny walks to the front of the cab.


Thank you.

You are..

DANNY (interrupting)
You. Shut up.

Danny walks away into the sunset.



I suppose I was in the wrong and I handled the matter in quite a childish fashion but really if i'd known what Rene had to go through, I wouldn't have told her to chill. Cab Drivers with loud mouths ought to get instant 3 demerits. And I lodged my first complain today.

Monday, May 15, 2006. 11:40 p.m.

the new love of my life.

Saturday, May 13, 2006. 11:23 p.m.

i miss him lots.

the witching half hour
Wednesday, May 10, 2006. 05:36 p.m.

so for the first time last night, i set my alarm to an hour before i'm supposed to leave the house. naturally, my body wasn't quite thinking on the same wavelength as me--i woke up 1/2 hour into my first class. ah heck. i'll wake up for the 2nd class. so i went back to sleep and then i started to dream.

i was in new york with roderick and gavin. in some car. huge ass burning planet flew across the sky. end of the world. (familiar? part 2.)

i was torn between the deadly fascination of watching this gargantuan sphere of burning ambers hovering at the speed of a flying tennisball towards the horizon like some mothership with malicious intent; eerily deafening like calm before the storm, and wanting to turn heels and OMGWTFBBQ! jack a car (no wait... we already have a car)! drive as deep underground! GET THE FUCK OUTTA THERE!

Of course in a situation such as this, it's easy to think you're hopelessly dead already, why delay the inevitable? but wow, don't death make a grand entrace? the burning skies, the gasps and silence that speaks mental incomprehension. surreal.

so, the Burning Planet disappeared into the horizon. Nothing spectacular happened except for a deep distant rumbling like you were on the dancefloor with the bass of a very steady drumroll blasting like a constant, distant rumble. (but when it sounds like a constant, distant ruumble you know you're in for some bad shit). for a split second i stood there with my eyes transfixed and jaws a-gaping; you could almost imagine a strand of drool creeping out the cave. then i turned heels.

hopped into the car with them and went OMGWTFBBQ GET THE FUCK OUTTA THERE! no wait. need to stock up--stop the car! ran out to the nearest convenience store. i need a pack of marlboro lights! Sorry ah, we ran out of marlboro lights. you're kidding me. so my struggle now was, i need to find a pack of marlboro lights. but they don't have marlboro lights. should i go out to another convenience store? or should i buy brand X lights?

rumbling gets louder. oh hell, just give me that lights yeah. free?? oh. i see. the imminence of their demise probably has them in its grip; it's free-for-all now. everyone was going wild and the streets were jammed with honks and yells.

sadly, it didn't hit me to do a supermarket sweep. ran back into car and we drove off. and then suddenly, we're in a network of tunnels.

things happened in there but generally, we felt like little ants in an ants nest.

but then as usual, my dreams never climax. it seems everything went as as normal up there, and nothing spectacularly disastrous happened above.

i just realised how similar this dream was to the tsunami dream: same script, different cast and situation--it's me and two others (but in the dream they don't have character, they don't drive the story well..... rod was driving the car in this one but that don't count)again facing an impending natural disaster. obstacles come in the way and in the end, it was just a whole lot of bullshit.

it's like, theres something missing about me. i feel incomplete. and it's 1/2 hour into my 2nd class. you're not going to school today boy.

a Quote
Tuesday, May 9, 2006. 12:08 a.m.

and i quote from Felicity Huffman who said this after winning the Golden Globe for Best Actress.

"...I think as people our job is to become who we really are, and so I would like to salute the men and women who brave ostracism, alienation and a life lived on the margins to become who they really are."

Sunday, May 7, 2006. 07:34 p.m.

ive been pretty lazy to upload photos and blog lately. maybe its the workload at school, maybe i just don't feel the urge to publicise my life. i don't know. my priorities have shifted somewhat in a good direction. like, maybe getting my body in shape, or saving up money for that perfect headphones or becoming a photojournalist or being an awesome director, or getting a dog. which incidentally is coming tomorrow. had a little tiff with my mom because she wasn't sure if i could handle it so distressed she was she event dreamt up a mountain of a dream. i just blasted her with words i regret saying. in retrospect. i don't know. i suppose im at a stage where i just can't allow people to hold me back from what i want to do, and what i want to have. i mean, that's just what i've been doing all these while but now, its like... i want to know what i'm capable of. and unless i go out there, take that risk of failure and do it, i wouldn't ever know anything more than drudge and wishful thinking.

but, hey. this are all just words, arn't they? unjust words.

audio technica ATH-L3000
Sunday, April 30, 2006. 02:48 a.m.

love at first sight. but... dont love always hurt? SGD00. you cut me deep, babes.

Friday, April 28, 2006. 12:10 a.m.

you is looking up into my room from twelve storeys down; the light blind you in a flash you're no where you know and you look around how appropriate is an impromptu trip with a mourning friend going to a mourning city to enjoy the good morning you look around the silence that deafens you the hairs at the back of your neck stands and you are starting to feel paranoid thinking about it is one thing doing it is another could you ever look into the eyes of somebody else pause a moment with your brows etched together and finally muttering no, i do not recall knowing you at all before walking away for whatever reason you have bam! turn around! just a crossroad that leads to infinity each direction tough choice and no help for you hardened survivor until i actually quit smoking i shall and will not ever even make the slightest remotest references to any form of butting the kick to kick the buttso you decide to walk down left and left from right is right where you left you realise you is lost itwe all have our unfair shares of moments of stupidity unfortunately it looked like my moments just checked in the hyatt and might be sightseeing for a bit break down and cry smell the freshly cut grass feel the hard earth pricking your knees feel the blood constraints to your toes and in your sorrow, you is brought back to reality who do you love enough to live tomorrow for you is looking up into my flat the lights are off the scent of potpurri fills the air somebody shut that dog barking your heart is thumping what do you call a prostitute who pays you to blow you what do you call you if a prostitute pays you to blow you maybe you thought too much maybe you said too much but maybe you haven't been loved enough and that itself is the black cardigan thats wrapped around you in the night like nothing you're all alone and you hide that frown i need you so much closer i need you so much closer i need you so much closer i... can you hear it the song that mute is singing? its beautiful. hush now. wheres the muzzle? get me one please.

Sunday, April 23, 2006. 12:05 a.m.

"There are no such things as accidents in life. Nothing in life that happens to you, even the bad things, are mistakes, or they weren't meant to be. There is nothing that ever happens to us that is out of order with our lives, because in the end, we create the order in our lives. That order that we create resulted in the happenings in our lives, and these happenings occur as greater lessons, if not for us ourselves to learn, at least of the people around us. It is easy to lament and bemoan the fact that we were denied certain things in life, but when you embrace the reality that we ourselves create the order in which we live our lives by, you really have no one and nothing to blame but yourself."


what order is there but aesthetic argument if order created is birthed from chaos? bugger. its time to move on.

Hello Vietnam!
Saturday, April 22, 2006. 10:24 p.m.

Here is some of the photographs that were taken in Tuy Hua (pronounced TU-EY HUA) (in the province of Phu Yen to the NorthEast of Saigon and South of Da Nang) and in Saigon proper (Ho Chi Minh City). Incidentally, Saigon isn't the old name of now Ho Chi Minh City. In fact, the city center is offically still known as Saigon because of docu-legal issues; it is the surrounding semi-suburbs that surrounds the city center that is called Ho Chi Minh City.

This is Vietnamese Coffee comprising a ground coffee filter that sits on a cup filled only with evaporated milk. once every bit of coffee has dripped through, stir it into a molassas consistency, add a huge cube of ice and viola! Vietnamese coffee. think sugar rush and caffeine high.

this girl is one of many who hawks their wares around town. she still looks pretty alright. there was this other very young girl, couldn't possibly be older than 10 and suffering from a severe case of bowleggedness. the saddest part of it was, when you look into her eyes, you just see the hardship of another 60year old woman, and not the innocent child that she's supposed to be.

Those starlets are all fishing boats out at sea. they would go out in the evening in hordes that will light the seas alive like stars at night and there, they'll squid all the way to the morning before returning as a horde. Breathtaking. from a distance.

Time to work.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006. 09:01 a.m.

so, i forgot. happy birthday kevjn. i remembered and wanted to call but hey, that'll be doing a you so then i was thinking what i should do and promptly forgot about it entirely until now. you know i still love you :)

anyways, opportunity of a lifetime struck. i'll be gone to vietnam this coming thursday to saturday to do a promotional video for an up-and-coming city in the works. time to towelsqueeze the creative juices and enjoy the ride.

i am upset.
Monday, April 17, 2006. 02:51 a.m.

i just had a very upsetting dream.

this dream revolved around a single SBS bus that i would eventually ride on in subsequent sucessive bouts. each time i would be on the bus, i would find myself rapidly approaching my bus stop; i would press the bell and try to leave, but i always will have too much things to carry--files, folders, large posters, pens, CDs, a whole tangle of 5.1 speakers and even an iron dumbbell. and thats barely all of it. and everytime i try to gather everything to leave the bus, it would take so long and so slow i would feel this sinking sense of hopelessness, impatience and being hurried. each scenario would be slightly differnt, like i would be sitting at the steps of the front of the bus once, the seats facing each other in front another time, and the back seat yet another time, but i would always be alighting a busstop from school, or sometimes to a coffee shop to deposit money (which ties in another wierd dream that i vaguely remember). and the events that lead up to each time of leaving/alighting the bus would be different, with differnt people and all. and there was this thing going on with how scarfs tear and wires snap when its stressed along the 90 degree corner of entering the bus and going into the bus.

the wierdest part of this dream was, but somehow, i feel all these emotions are in my minds eye only; i would look up and everyone in the bus would be nonchalant and as if i didn't exist; as if they were in a set and the dream haven't yet dictated how they are supposed to be acting.. they felt incomplete people sitting in the bus filled only with anger, impatience and urgency that i have put into their voidless beings from my mind. the bus driver would wait for me and then suddenly drive off as if lost patience and i thought he was upset, but when i looked around, he was just trying to not block the bus boarding area and finding a more suitable location for me to alight and he would like really understanding and polite. i supposed i could have jolly well took my own sweet time and they wouldn't react any differnt.

i hate it that i dreamt this...dream that reek of subtexts and hidden meanings. so whats it really mean? that i've excess baggage that i should just not carry around? that i shouldve thrown? because i can never alight the bus properly unless i do? and why dumbbells and speakers? what wierd items to carry on board. why torn purple scarves, and why do these people not have any emotions and why is it i feel this overwhelming sense of guilt at having to make the bus wait (when in fact the people were all semiroboticallydead)? am i just the catalyst of my own baggage and fucked situations? because only i seem to feel it and no one else seem to care to think it any wrong. like i was thinking too much. like i was making mountains out of molehills. or have that idea just been planted in me when really i was making mountains of out mountains but everyone's really good actors?

Saturday, April 15, 2006. 06:45 a.m.

tiesto baby, i am so in love with you and your music i brave throngs of revellers packed closer than sardines in a can. for you, baby, i squeeze through the smallest gaps and get stepped and shoved just to be 4 meters aways from you. for you ,baby, i brave smelly indian women and crazy angmoh men. for you ,baby, i danced my life away at one spot for 3 hours tripping to your aural expedition. because of you, baby, i almost died dancing there. and because of you ,baby, my calves are cramping and my backs breaking. and baby, im gonna sleep like a pig in a bit. TIESTO BABY YOU MAKE ME TIESTO LOCO!

Friday, April 14, 2006. 07:19 p.m.

rain it comes falling down the sky like somethin' godsent
the grand entrance of the MindRobber
on the red carpet of haze and wet
like a mannequin a-posing
you are my window shopping temptation
and i can't find my wallet

too much time on your hands? then check The Wicked out--it boggles the mind.

Friday, April 14, 2006. 04:13 a.m.

i should never explain the situation again. it serves no purpose other than to create a bigger misunderstanding from an already infesting misunderstanding. but why misunderstand in the first place? because the situation was never explained. thats Catch-22 for you--i've been caught in a timeless loop of the shittiest situation ever. i can't win. i've lost big time.

so let come what may. im tired of thinking and assuming . and saying anymore than i probably should.

85 beliefs
Wednesday, April 12, 2006. 01:09 a.m.

why 85? because i like.

001. i believe without music, life would be a mistake.
002. i believe the pen is mightier than the sword.
003. i believe God is a man-made entity.
004. i believe men are inherently gods.
005. i believe randomics spur creative thinking.
006. i believe handphones are succubi in the flesh.
007. i believe the best things in this world come in small parcels.
008. i believe love inspires stupidity.
009. i believe rats are adorable.
010. i believe fate and destiny are as amazing as empty cans of redbull.
011. i believe our lives are for us to forge into fantastic swords.
012. i believe being normal is punishable by death.
013. i believe drug abuse should be legalised.
014. i believe talking to oneself inspires analytical thinking.
015. i believe crazy is good.
016. i believe nonconformity is NOT a higher form of conformity.
017. i believe to die trying is infinitely smarter than not trying at all.
018. i believe japanese food is to die for.
019. i believe prostitutes are honest people.
020. i believe piers anthony was a genius for creating Xanth.
021. i believe in love, not war.
022. i believe life should be painted in tungsten, not fluorescent.
023. i believe technological advancement is a double-edged sword.
024. i believe in homosexuality.
025. i believe nonconformity is a concept only few people can grasp.
026. i believe in the four seasons.
027. i believe the best things arn't always new.
028. i believe money is a fucking bitch.
029. i believe physical pains numb emotional pains.
030. i believe acceptance means defeat.
031. i believe singaporeans are very accepting.
032. i believe purity exists nowhere in this world.
033. i believe people are inherently gullible and naive.
034. i believe the mind has the power to kill.
035. i believe i can't live without music.
036. i believe tomato juice is delicious.
037. i believe gossip mongering is a pest infestation.
038. i believe petroleum smells like heaven.
039. i believe in the triple B--borsch, baguette & butter.
040. i believe 'nincompoop' is a beautiful word.
041. i believe in singing in the rain.
042. i believe the dictionary is indispensible.
043. i believe in boxer shorts.
044. i believe men are creatures of affection for affection.
045. i believe the full moon theory is ludicrous.
046. i believe in the full moon party pilgrimage.
047. i believe it is hard to keep it real.
048. i believe mangosteens and pomegranates are to die for.
049. i believe crying sets the sun just for it to rise again.
050. i believe passion drives proximity to perfection.
051. i believe silence spreads suffocation.
052. i believe in doing it with style.
053. i believe fashion is a slavedriver.
054. i believe dogs eat dogs in this world.
055. i believe everything will be alright.
056. i believe the comfort an earl grey provides.
057. i believe i have the power to brighten your day.
058. i believe lethargy is lethal.
059. i believe in the idea of perfection in my opinion.
060. i believe entymology is fascinating.
061. i believe maturity should live in childish innocence.
062. i believe in sweat, not perspiration.
063. i believe curtain rainclouds are amazing.
064. i believe in hot cross puns.
065. i believe ignorance is NOT bliss.
066. i believe in world peace. really.
067. i believe in the physical, not the cyber.
068. i believe in vintage vespas and volkswagons.
069. i believe old is gold.
070. i believe sleep is not wasteful.
071. i believe ACS breeds pride.
072. i believe in never growing old mentally.
073. i believe in myself.
074. i believe whodunnits are fascinating.
075. i believe everything starts from the home.
076. i believe a banana a day makes you happy.
077. i believe in big dogs like siberian huskies.
078. i believe insurance agents are devils in the guise.
079. i believe mandarin oranges are happy fruits.
080. i believe jewel sold her soul to the devil.
081. i believe we're all just actors on the stage called earth.
082. i believe optimism makes miracles.
083. i believe in butter, not margarine.
084. i believe getting stumped by stupid jokes is hilarious.
085. i believe in whites not blacks.

it seems this entry probably might not exist
Monday, April 10, 2006. 01:06 a.m.

it seems ive been hit by murphy and his damned law. or maybe it seems im just finding some scapegoat for my string of a serious of blushingly embarassing faux pas. the kinds you would probably go 'good lord danny, what the fuck where you thinking?!' and really, it seems i wasn't. good lord danny what the fuck where you probably thinking?! i know what i was thinking. i just wasn't doing it right. i'm just sorry you saw it. stop squeezing Panda. you're killing him. fuck. go sleep. dont think. dont think.

and i stopped thinking, if only for a couple of steps towards my bed before the chorus of a song playing stopped me in my tracks and it went like this:

you canít hurry love
no, you just have to wait
she said love donít come easy
itís a game of give and take
you got to trust, give it time
no matter how long it takes

precious words. they don't come easy either. enjoy the reassurance while it lasts even if its from some random somebody. least they know how it feels like. oh shut your cursed and damned mouth and go sleep.

Monologue of the Nonplussing Nomad
Wednesday, April 5, 2006. 04:17 a.m.

Hey Slumbers. Know what? I hear from up mount En the view of our world is really beautifulÖyou can see the sloping valleys and the meandering rivers, the far off oceans and even foreign ice lands up north!

Slumbers? Yeah i knowÖ This swamp is really hard to cross. We'll cross it in time babes. The peakís not far off after that. There! Over by the roots of that scrawny little tree: letís take a break. You know babes, Iíve had this on my mind since so long ago but I never really told anyone. Maybe you'll hear me out, my dear friend? All I need is just a listening ear. Thanks Slumbers, I know I can always count on you.

So, Ii think i should settle down. I mean, I know I should settle down. We've been all around the world, babes--both you and I. We've witnessed the Indian Protrusion, the Chinese Mass, the American Pie, the Malayan Isthmus, the Italian Peninsular, the Canadian Mounties, and the Singaporean Sling. God knows, thatís barely half of the countries we've backpacked across. I'm tired, Slumbers. I don't think Iím cut out for this whole nomadic lifestyle. I want to settle down but i just can't settle on where i want to stay.

Don't fall asleep on me, Slumbers. It's not funny. Shall we carry on? Okay. There are crocodiles and alligators about, Slumbers. Take care. If you let the swamp control you, you'll be nothing but fresh meat today and no meat tomorrow.

I digress. I've been told of the distant lands of Phillipines and Indonesia. Both beautiful in their respective ways, both litters of beautiful islands but different too. Have you heard about that, or been there?

Indonesia is a... Hmm. how shall i put it. I know. It's an exotic country. It's everything exotic and foreign. Hell, the flora and fauna there arn't even to my taste. But there people there are friendly. Smile at one, and you'll be having mass dinner functions to last you till you're 60. Haha!

Opps babe, see that alligator? I got bitten once, the last time on my way to Singapore. I had to cross this same goddamn swamp. It doesnít really show on the world map, but i am very inclined to think this swamp is spreading its roots everywhere. It's like some kind of stain that's irritating and you can't remove. Anyhows, I got bitten. Watch it Slumbers!!! Whoa! It almost got you! Are you alright? You see this scar on my leg? That's where it clamped its mouth shut and won't let go until i cried. The swamp was red with blood, but that bitch got away only with a chunk of my leg. Thank god, only 2 weeks to recover. The hospital stay was excruciating I tell youóyou don't ever want to experience it.

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yesÖ Indonesia. If I were to settle there, I can imagine building my house on one of those little islands that the country has too many of. The white sandy beaches and turquoise oceans with megasurf waves are to die for. But Iím just not sure if I will ever learn to love anything else. I mean, do things like that happen? Is it possible to grow to love something that you cannot imagine yourself loving to begin with? Oh and horrors, the mosquitoes! Ugh. Hate them. But I suppose if I were to become a beach comber there, Iíd have to grow myself a set of leathery sunburnt skin, now wouldnít I? Haha! Oh cheer up slumbers. I wonít look half as horrible as Tom Hanks did in whatís that show called again? Lost? Lost Again? Lost Forever? Whatever. Anyways.

Phillipines. Thatís my other option. I donít know, Slumbers. Thatís one thing I know for certain: I just donít know. Itís chillingly like that fateful trip to Singapore and because of the accident, I never got where I wanted to get. I missed the festival and my itinerary got screwed up bad. Ah. Touch Wood! So, a friend sent me a postcard from there. From, what, Sebu? Itís gorgeous I tell you. I fell in LOVE with the place the moment I saw it. Itís just how I imagine my summer vacation home to be like. Itís how I imagine my retirement home to be like too! I mean, I can see myself living my whole life there. On the beach. Everything just looks perfect. But hey, I know what youíre going to say Slumbers. Let me see. Uh, is it ďtalk the talk, now walk the walk? Or is it Looks is just Beach deep?Ē Haha! The latter?

Letís take a break Slumbers. I need to smoke. Oh hey, look I can see the end of the swamps! Just farther ahead. Can you see it through all the evaporate? Where the hell are we anyway, my compass is spinning like I were the magnetic core.

Yeah. But Phillipines scares me too. I hear about natural disasters happening there all the time. Just like last week? That storm blew over electric and the town was lightless I think even until today. But a place as beautiful as thatóhow much damage anyone can do to it would be heartaching but itís that heartache that drives you wanting to make it better than ever. Itís a beauty that just has to stay beautiful because it cannot exist if it isnít beautiful. Am I making sense? Itís awesome I tell you. Wait, I think I have a post card in my pack. Let me show you, Slumbers, then youíll know what Iím talking about. See? Isnít it just breaktaking? But so much uncertainty! Is it worth it?

Thatís my dilemma Slumbers. I donít know where to settle down. I canít think in this swamp; Iím pespiring and the skyís nothing but a steamy green! Quick slumbers, letís get up to Peak En. Weíll take a week up there in our tents and escape the world. Iíll make my decision up there. Thanks for listening. It's going to be nightfall soon. Let's set camp up that tree babes. The one that's arched upwards that goes beyond the canopy. I want to see the stars in their constellations tonight, Slumbers. I haven't seen it in a while.

You sleeping yet, Slumbers? I'm thinking maybe the stars will blow my sails. You think? Haha yes yes I know i'm always the wishful thinker. But maybe my dilemma isn't about the choice between those two places But the choice between settling down and living a nomadic life. Which is which, Slumbers? Maybe I've been secretly ordained to be the Nonplussing Nomad. Just like how the Israelites were! Or maybe i just think too much? Okay, okay. fine go sleep. Let me stay up a bit more. Let me feel the wind in my hair before the sweat of tomorrow takes the flight out of them. Goodnight, Slumbers. Sleep tight. Stay safe.

Tuesday, April 4, 2006. 11:28 p.m.

i have a great view of the city skyline from my twelfth storey room windows: i can see as far as flats ahead the halfstretch of avenue 4 to a dusty skyline of the CBD. it has been there for as long as i can remember and only recently did i notice that hey. i have been looking out of my window for so long and did not notice this really ugly tangle of electric cabling, antennae and curious devices. where did it come from?? : there is a tangle of electric cabling, antennae and curious devices displayed outside my flat's twelfth storey windowing that at first glance will seem like an obvious tangle of electric cabling, antennae and curious devices displayed outside my flat's twelfth storey windowing (heh, sorry).

but strangely, you can lose sight of things so close to you...


in other news, i recently discovered the existance of a word that describes (according to Oxford English) the "painful spasmodic contraction of the vagina in response to physical contact or pressure (esp. in sexual intercourse)." - vaginismus . Imagine.

fuck me harder... harder!

ugh! nnnggggg! *pants*

fuck me! oh God! ...oh God!

ohhh yeahhhh you like that?

ahhh! va-va-vaginismus!

ooOo hermione! i can play harry! heh heh heh! ENGORGIO*!


ooo yeah! play with daddy's big magic wand!

harry this, you cracked potter! EXPELLIARMUS*! RIDDIKULUS*!

baby?? what have you done! i thought you wanted to roleplay!

roleplay my harry ass! i got contractions la! still want to gorgio armani! my cheebye pain leh!

*according to MuggleNet,
ENGORGIO - ďEngorgeĒ means ďto fill to excessĒ. Causes an object to enlarge.
EXPELLIARMUS - Latin for ďto expel a weaponĒ. Disarming spell Ė makes the victimís wand fly out of their hand.
RIDDIKULUS - Adaptation of ďridiculousĒ. Causes an item, creature or person to take on a humorous appearance of the spell-casterís choosing. Particularly useful against Boggarts, who are destroyed by laughter.

sorry. but hey. tasteless words breed tasteless humour. if you can find the sense in all that nonsense, good for you. now, i begin to wonder where ms. rowling got her inspiration from. Hmm.

the generic you.
Tuesday, April 4, 2006. 12:07 p.m.

whats it matter what you say? or you, or you? have you seen more in your life that you could write an astonishing bestseller about? have you felt more attuned to your senses like you were a finger emmersed in boiling oil? did you taste the exotic aphrodisiacs of immortal palate that stain tongues? would you claim to be inspiringly different? can you say for certain what you've come to experience was anything more than ghastly ordinary? should you be holding my hand down a road overwalked like a trip down to a heartland market? should you be advicing me to a likeness of your talentless image? then, whats it matter what you say? or you, or you? if all you'd make me ponder on is everything expected ? if you were nothing but normal ?

are you normal?